I’ve spent way too long this week in a state of flux, riding a rollercoaster of uncertainty and fear over misjudgment. I’m not quite sure where the week has gone, how days have fed into nights and back to days or where the caffeine has overtaken my conscious mind. And yet is the stress really all worth it? Long term, perhaps. Just not now…
The comparisons get to me the most- looking over the boundary fence and making judgments with false eyes. We do it a lot in ag, comparing products and land, animals and weather. Yet in the end it’s all superficial, limiting self belief and creating fiction over lost ends.
Moments of grace chime with pets, yet uncertainty of rain overrides the innocent mind. So back and forwards, up and down, along the rollercoaster we ride. Yet at a local meeting our fears made compare- at least we still have our animals.
So I guess this journey is all for future generations. Hardly comparable to the past, but right now it feels like we are fighting for the same thing… Culture. Land. Freedom. And as always, time will tell.
In the meantime, things moved from South to North. Polly’s inquisitive mind makes me ponder and look in new light and city views tick for purpose.
New books try to keep me focus, stimulating thoughts and exploring the ground with new eyes. The thought of soil amazes me- once meeting the hocs of cattle as the roamed on borrowed land to be returned, now compacted to concrete. Except for the topsoil out West I suppose, which struggles to cling to anything other than city windows.
So I guess it’s back to the voices in my head, pondering the future and hoping for numbers that stack. All on land once owned, trying to get every little part back.