Lost.

As I sit and stare out the Cathedral windows, in which no doubt you must have done a hundred or so years before, my splintering week must feel trivial to your time here. Cramped, two to a bed, used as a slave, in some sort of emerging nation, very different to the struggles I am presently feeling. Yet here we are, sharing grief and respect in the stagnant halls.

This week started with renewing garden beds and slow dripping honey to discover new purity, showcased farm work on the weekend and bumped cautiously with turbulence for the rest. It all appeared so simple and straightforward, like the path emerged with every step. Yet now, the weaves and crossroads seem like mere memories and I’m found wandering a very new dirt road.

All the preparation, hard work, weekends, late nights and early mornings, seem to tick boxes at times but not create change. Time spent chasing and preparing for goals, ignored and new timelines imposed. Conversations sparsefully shared to make things work.

But like your adventures on horseback and through the Worimi mountains, I guess we share hope and optimism. Some things are progressing, and in areas where they are not, I’m focusing more effort. I’m learning not to settle, to look beyond face value and think about processes to optimise outputs. I know I should keep pushing and striving for more, even beyond frustration and hurt.

I’m also learning to appreciate the little things, learning to find happiness in the landscape, admiration of each cultural reference and being blessed for the process. It’s also grounding the optimism, cementing my purpose and clarifying the decisions I make. It might not always be clear or the right path, but I can forge a new one and ensure it works for future generations.

I’m passionate and optimistic about the future- not mine, but rather that of generations to come. I understand my role, my place in society- to forge new relationships, push new ideas and change the thinking towards my People. Despite my hardships, I know I will succeed in this role and I know my family will forevermore have greater opportunities.

So while I might be lost now, lost on a path I’m not sure of, I know it is for a reason. I know my ancestors are guiding me, looking over me and ensuring I reach my goals. Forever indebted to their work, accountable to future generations. But right now, I’m feeling lost.

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